ashley

Empty

In Uncategorized on September 18, 2016 at 4:23 AM

The well has run dry. There is no one else I can turn to for help. I’ve exhausted all sympathy. Apparently I’m a masochist. Maybe it really is me. Is it me? I really don’t think so. I’ve come so far, yet I feel myself falling backwards into an abyss. I don’t know how to climb out by myself, every opportunity for someone to pull me out has long passed. I just keep digging myself in deeper. I keep making mistakes. I think it’s me.

I sat there, looking at the phone today, checking your location for the 80th time like an idiot. Debating. What good will it do to even ask you? Am I really going to leave if the answer is what I think? Even if you tell me it’s not, will I believe you? Again, what good will this do? Why put myself through this? I should just go to sleep and pretend I never looked.

But I can’t, the temptation is too strong to ask you. I need you to comfort me. You’re the only one who can. But I asked and I got half the answer I didn’t want mixed with half the one I wanted. I was in too deep. I’m proud of myself for not falling in as far as I could have, but I went deeper than I should. I’m teetering on the edge of insanity. You seem to care some, but not as much as I would like.

Let me create my fantasy world here. Where everything is tinted rose. I asked and you called immediately. You told me no, of course you weren’t inside. You were just walking around on the street taking in the sights, alone. You were thinking of me, wishing I were there. You tell me you love me, and I believe you. A sense of calm washes over me, I realize the time. I realize how stupid I was for doubting you. I tell you I love you. I tell you I wish more than anything that I could be there with you. I tell you goodnight, that you’ve made me so happy and I drift off to sleep, renewed.

I wish more than anything that this were what happened instead.

Peace

In Uncategorized on August 2, 2016 at 2:33 PM

Peace is a fickle thing. It exists in the in-between, those tales of happily ever after are such myths. Peace is a state of mind that must be constantly nourished, consciously guided, for with the slightest distraction, the slightest wobble in your step, it vanishes. Though a simple touch, a reminder of what is good and right with the world can restore it to your heart.  – Ashley Morgan

Epiphany

In Uncategorized on August 12, 2015 at 4:50 PM

Two specks of light flicker in the darkness. Each are on opposite corners of my small universe, each seeming to waft closer at inopportune times, when my hands are so full I cannot take hold of its outstretched embrace. Neither provide enough light to see the way out of the darkness, yet each tempt me with the hope of escaping. There is another way out, there has to be – yet I cannot seem to find it on my own. Do I have the strength to venture out into the ebony unknown without a light to guide my way? I think not, at least for now.

My worlds are colliding. There will be a big bang, a time of reckoning, a time of renewal, soon it comes. Warning bells sound throughout all hours of the day and night, warning the citizens of my small universe of the havoc to come. Seek shelter. Gather your loved ones and all you hold dear as much will be ripped away, never to be seen again.

I am a scholar of my own mind. The holder of my secrets. The bearer of my pain. An epiphany, some genuine revelation, is desperately needed. A manifestation of God himself on my doorstep. Tell me what to do.